From the Inside Out

As we grow our skin gets thicker, our minds get wiser (hopefully), our laughter lines become wrinkles, our furrowed brows retreats, we let in the good and the bad with open arms, and we know that tomorrow is just another day.

Adolescence to a geriatric life is a transition I am not yet familiar with. However, you can’t blame me for premeditating the events that may unfold as I go. In the meantime, there are a few things holding me back from living in the now, obstacles hindering me from my fullest potential.

Let’s start with a few you may be familiar with.

1. Anxiety

It eats away you, it keeps you awake at night, it’s begs for reassurance, it keeps you in the dark. In plain, it’s really freaking annoying. Do you not sometimes wish you could live a day without worry or doubt causing sharp pains in your side? What a life that must be like.

2. Saying No.

I just can’t do it. The need to please is too strong. For some it may be to preserve an image, it may be out of the kindness of their hearts. For me, it’s to get credit and rack up brownies points so others will feel obliged to do things for me when I need it.

3. Not knowing what makes you happy

Does anyone really know what makes them happy? Some people would say sports, some people would say music, others writing, and even as a writing enthusiast, I can’t even agree.

Now, there is a reason behind this rant rather than to invite you all to my pity party (there will be free food). What i’m trying to get at is the fact that a life cannot be lead with a blind mind. It makes sense, just think about it.

Imagine that you’re in a car, it’s raining and the windshield is fogging up. You put on your wipers and they’re barely making seeing any easier. But you keep going anyways. You can imagine the road, you can always see it. You can keep straight and be safe, you just have to be cautious.

I feel like that’s how many live their lives. Nothing is ever really clear to you, your brain fogs up, lines blur, but you keep going. Because you know that it’s a life that you have and you’re content. You coast as the days toss you around. You imagine a life, you keep straight and be safe, and you just have to be cautious and you will always get forward. Always.

But is that really a life?

So it starts; my journey to relinquish my anxiety. By saying NO, by staying comfortable, and by not doing what I do not want to do. Hopefully by the end of it i’ll have a better understanding of what exactly I am here for.

I’ll keep you posted.


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